Remember

“This hard place in which you, perhaps, find yourself, is the very place in which God is giving you opportunity to look only to Him.” Elisabeth Elliot

It’s important to remember, to reflect. I’ve found myself doing that a lot lately which is why I scrolled through my phone this morning to find out the exact date of my hospitalization last October. Turns out, today is the 1 year mark. 

Memories flooded back as I recalled the weeks and months leading up to that initial stay at UT Southwestern. I had been sick and in pain for months by the time a Godsend provider at Hospitality ER (Tyler, TX) finally found the source for my pain. Starting late last spring, all through the summer, and into September, I had been intentionally trying to heal from what I assumed was a flare that I just couldn’t control. I had sought out an Osteopath who could prescribe the pain meds I knew I needed to try and buy a little more time while I tackled the issue holistically and aggressively. Weeks into treatments, I was still not getting better. In fact, I was almost getting worse. 

Ryne got home after being gone about 2 months for training at his new job, and he could then witness first hand what I had been trying to “deal with” for months. Bless him… Once he got home he tried to help in my search for a new G.I. doctor, helped me (kindly and firmly) get the referrals I needed for more imaging, and finally, after weeks of circles and no answers, he took me to the ER. When we arrived at Hospitality in Tyler, the provider just “happened” to have Crohns disease and had extensive knowledge of my disease and even symptoms. After previously having a CT Scan where “everything was normal,” a second scan revealed a large mass. Anyone without additional knowledge of G.I. disorders would likely have also looked at the results and would have said I needed an appendectomy, but in reality, the mass of infection had started to seep out, including the appendix. The next few hours were a bit of a blur, but the provider at Hospitality was phenomenal. She explained that I was going to need a Colorectal surgeon, and she predicted that I would be in the hospital for weeks at a minimum. Simply put, she painted a harsh picture that Ryne and I needed to hear. (And, in time, most of what she guessed came to fruition.) She is the one who made the calls and put into action who would end up being part of my GI team today. They immediately gave me two grenade looking bags of antibiotics that were squeezed into my i.v.,  and most wonderfully- heavy duty pain meds! For the first time in months, I had some relief! 

We then made the drive home to pick up some things and head to Dallas. From the time I arrived, to me laying in my hospital room couldn’t have been more than about 10 minutes. Within 24 hours they were putting a picc line in to help with my nutrient levels. I was barely eating (or drinking) because anything I put in my mouth would cause pain. The week I spent in the hospital was all about getting rid of the infection. After most of the infection was removed, a drain was placed (quite uncomfortably I might add) to continue draining off any remaining infection while I continued on I.V. antibiotics. 

It’s all so interesting to think back to that week, because now I know what the weeks following that would hold. I remember desperately wanting to avoid all the “worse case scenarios” that were presented, and time would bring most of them to pass. 

I thought that the end of this week last year was the end of a really hard season. I, full of hope, thought that I had pushed through and had in utter exhaustion, crossed the finish line. I thought the issue would be solved and I could be more disciplined with my habits and choices, and everything would be back to normal. Instead, my usual Pollyanna self, was about to begin a walk through some really hard months. 

And I need to remember that. 

With tears in my eyes I can say that I am much better today than I was a year ago, but I’ve also been quick to share with those who ask, that I’m also not at all where I want to be. In reality, we hardly ever are. 

It doesn’t matter if we are referring to our health, our marriages, various relationships, our jobs/careers, any of it… There are things we want to be different- better even. But in the midst of looking ahead, have you remembered where you started? 

Because I forget- And I want to remember so I can pour from a spring of eternal water vs. living each day searching for something that will quench my thirst. 

Your season won’t look just like mine, but especially as we enter into a “season of Thanksgiving,” don’t forget to remember where you’ve been and where He’s brought you too.