Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving looked so different last year. 

The day before Thanksgiving is when I had the surgery to put in an Ostomy. Feeling defeated is an understatement to the cacophony of emotions I was wrestling with. I truly thought that once we got rid of the mass of infection and I buckled down on discipline with my lifestyle and diet, everything would be able to go back to “normal.” In my typical Pollyanna fashion, I thought the worst of things was finally behind me, but it wasn’t. It quickly became clear that the damaged portion of my intestines were so diseased, they would only continue to “leak” and cause pain and infection.. As a result, an Ostomy would need to be placed to divert intestinal flow so that we could reduce inflammation enough to be able to safely remove the damaged area at a later time. 

Many tears were shed, but overall I was able to “hold it all together” despite my circumstances. I cried because I would spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. I cried because while at home, connected to my drain, I bought tickets to one of my favorite festivals to enjoy with my family the day after Thanksgiving. That day out was supposed to be a celebration of getting through those previous months, but instead, my family would have to take my kiddos in my stead. Meanwhile, in my hospital bed, a weight of sadness and disappointment was slowly consuming me. The Ostomy was terrible. Even now as I think back, it's hard not to feel guilty typing those words, because I know how it can give freedom to others in different circumstances and situations. But it didn’t feel like freedom to me.

It felt like the biggest failure of my life.

 Once the initial pain meds slowly started to fade, and ostomy management started, and that’s when my optimism started to wane. The next day, Thanksgiving Day, was when I finally convinced myself to lift up the sheet and look at my abdomen. Once I did, that is when I couldn’t “hold it all together” anymore and the ugly tears started… 

A year later, we welcomed friends and family over to enjoy the holiday together. I started this morning by praying over each chair and person who would be joining us and today. The tears were lighter and filled with so much gratitude. As hard as last year was, I know that won’t be the last holiday filled with sadness, just like this one won’t be the last filled with so much joy. Both add to the richness of life in different ways, as long as there's an eternal hope to sustain the ebbs and flows. 

My “theme” for today and this Thanksgiving season, if you will, has been Psalm 100. I pray that the words rest into the depths of your soul as we wrap up one holiday and look ahead to another. Happy Thanksgiving Friends!

Shout for Joy to the Lord All the Earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness;

Come before Him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with Thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to Him, and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;

His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100